complicated

temen kampusku ( yang kini udah jadi temen baekku ) yg bernama O****d ( maaf, dirahasiakan ) pernah bilang sama sayah.
die bilang lewat perumpamaan :
1. " ada seekor monyet memanjat pohon kelapa yang amat tinggi. sesampainya dia di puncak, dia mendapati bahwa tidak ada buah kelapa disana. Namun, saat si monyet melihat kebawah, dia mendapati bahwa dikejauhan terlihat sekawanan gadis-gadis cantik yang sedang mandi di sungai. Sebuah pemandangan yang hanya bisa terlihat dari atas pohon kelapa tersebut."
2. " ada 2 monyet yang sedang dipelajari oleh ilmuwan. yang satunya dibiarkan hidup liar, sedangkan yang lainnya dilatih agar menjadi pintar. sesudahnya, keduanya diperbandingkan. Sang ilmuwan menanam 2 pohon kelapa. salah satunya tinggi, sedangkan yang satunya pendek. Kedua kelapa tersebut dikelilingi oleh tembok yang tingginya seperti tinggi pohon kelapa yang pendek. Si monyet yang pintar menjadi yang pertama kali dites. Saat dilepas, ia mengamati pohon kelapa yang tinggi, kemudian beralih ke batang kelapa yang pendek. Karna dalam otaknya telah terprogram hasil latihannya selama ini, maka si monyet tanpa pikir panjang segera memanjat pohon kelapa yang pendek, dan mangacuhkan batang kelapa yang tinggi.
Sekarang giliran monyet yang kedua. Setelah dilepas, karna instingnya yang liar, maka ia segera memanjat pohon kelapa yang tinggi tanpa pikir panjang. setibanya diatas, dia melihat kebawah. ternyata, dibalik tembok yang tinggi, terdapat setandan pisang yang lezat yang hanya dapat dilihat dari atas pohon kelapa yang tinggi. Maka melompatlah ia keluar tembok."

the moral of the story is :
1. walaupun rada tidak nyambung antara monyet dan cewek cantik ( maklum, temen sayah inih rada-rada off kalo ngomong ), tapi intinya adalah bahwa apapun yang kita kerjakan tidak akan sia-sia. Walopun kmu tidak mendapatkan apa yang kamu inginkan, tapi pasti ada yang akan kamu peroleh, dan cepat ato lambat kamu akan mengetahuinya.
2. ini terkait dengan pola hidup yang sekarang mayoritas dijalani oleh kita semua. Pernah gak berpikir, kalo selama ini rutinitas kita ituh yang itu-itu ajah ? bangun, ngampus, pulang, makan, tidur… ato bangun, kerja, pulang, tidur… jangan terpengaruh dengan pola ini,,
have u ever think that, there’s something out there,, not just routine activity,, open u’r mind..
do something crazy for a while,, then u’ll feel soo much free,,, and u don’t have to be a smart person to have fun,, just follow u’r instinct,,
dan, ehhmmm,,, ini terkait dengan satu hal lagi.
Kadang, saat kau merasa seseorang yang kau sayangi tidak ada untuk kau, jangan langsung merasa demikian. Lihatlah dari sudut pandang yang berbeda, dan mungkin saja ia sedang berada dibalik tembok, menunggumu untuk menemukannya.

a little note :
apa yang kau tidak lihat bukan berarti ia tak ada. Mungkin kau hanya perlu melihatnya dari sudut pandang yang berbeda. dan apabila kau sudah mencarinya dari segala arah, namun kau tidak menemukan apa yang kau cari, maka percayalah, bahwa kau sudah menemukan sesuatu dalam pencarianmu itu.

i personally hang on this filosofi,,

makanya, se gak pernah nyesel kalo menyayangi seseorang, walopun dia bukan apa-apa ku..

let me walk my own path.. and maybe we’ll cross a same path someday,,

if u’r mind seek something,, then ask u’rself,, " for what ? "
if u’r heart felt something,, then ask u’rself ,, " what will it affect me ? "
if u can only see things blurly, then don’t bother to think,,

i’m myself’s responsibilities,,
what i do, and what i choose to do, were all my responsibilities,,

nobody shall take responsibilities for what i’ve done,, for what i choose,,

life’s a choice,, and live u’r choice,,

another day,, passing by,,slowly,,
looking through the mirror,, what do i see ??
a foolish young man,, desperate in his search,,
the devils laugh,, "another eagerly to die ",,
despite the world,, the cruel, cruel world,,
impatience to see,, the seventh heaven,,
where there’s everything ,, anything but nothing,,
can’t you see ?? i need you to get there,,
i need to to guide me there,, to be there,,
if only you can see,, if only,,,
seventh heaven is nothing without you,,
nothing,,

LastHopeforGriefInMyHeart

if u live in the depths of the ocean,, then i would become a fish,, just to be with u..
i would descends the deepest of pits, wander forever in the darkness as a shadow,,just to be with u,,
close my eyes.. suffering and pains delute my mind,, still, u’r face emerge so brightly,,
i’ve been drown in my own sorrow,, dying and fading,, still, it’s u before my eyes,,

if it would bring this words to you,, then i will gladly sacrifice my voice,,

ToLiveWithThePAin,AnythingForYouLittleSist

i sEe you , , So BEautifull, , melting My HEart,, BlowIng My Conscious, ,
spirited Me Away, ,
an Odd feelings, , somehow,there’s a connection,,
is It True ?,, do you feelThe Same too ? ,,or is it jUst another sand in  the middle of the desert ?

quetion and aswer,, can it keep the thinker alive ?, ,maybe,, till he meet a true beauty, ,
then, he’ll never think again,,
for the hours to come, his mind won’t seek anything else,,
pure souls in desperate, , dying in lonesome, ,
can u cure It ?
it doens’t matter anymore, , such a sweet grief, , what a shame to run from it, ,
and why should I ?
it’l be a pleasure to be in such a miserable pain, ,  coz the cure for the illness,, we’re the illness itself..
for the pain itself, , who’se been keeping me alive, ,

forULil’Sist..

my world stops,, when u’r sunshine fade away,,
starring at you,, feeling helpless,,
somebody help me,, coz i’m falling for you,, just when u’re not around,,
my world stops,, when u’r moonlight hide behind the cloud,,
lookin at you,, speechless,,
calling for help,, coz u drown me deeper than i thought,,
sorrow and light, sadness and gloom,
how should i go on ?
how can i go on ?
when my world stops in front of you,,
when my world is you,,
you’re the missing part,, the lost fragment,,
i’ve tried to replace you,, but it just won’t fit,,
it just not the one,,
but how can this be ?
i found you,, only to loose you,,
silly me,, stupid me,,
just a daydreamer,, waiting for the night to come,,
and take me away,,
my world stops,, simply coz u’re not in it,,

FoRThemOmentPASSin9ByBeforEoUrEyes

sometimes, I Realized, I’ve been living in a neverland,,
sleep, with my eyes wide open,,
hours passing slowly,, lullabying me into the fantasy land,,
where u and me, together,, so beautiful,,
so beautiful,,
then i woke up, just to find u’re not mine,,
u’re not mine,,
so sad,, so ironic,,
just when i feel it so real,,
when it feel so close,,
reality hit me in the back,,
smashing me to the ground,,
now,, still in the stage of shock,, i just wish,, the time will replay itself,, bringing me again to you,,
keep fooling myself,,
such a beautiful sadness,, a wonderful pain,,
the bittersweet you,, just keep knocking on my heart,,tearing me inside out,,
i keep u so far,, just to find u before my eyes,,
lies and lies, liar and liar,, it’s all we need to see the truth,,
that it’s not the same,, to live with or without you,,

SorroW LAnd keep me Happy

u know what ?? many people seen the first chance as the ultimate one,, when it slips from their hand, thats it,, no more ,, adios,,
they were all thinking, " thats it, i’ll find another one.. "
don’t they ever think, that maybe that chance isn’t the first chance for them ?? maybe, just maybe, they were only been showen by God, a test.. to see, if they’re patience enough to hold still and make up their mind, that will influent  their entire life,, or they will rush to take the chance, ignore their healthy mind, follow their instinct,,
there’s no right or WronG,, coz in the end, you’re destiny will play it part,, it all has been written,, the path u choose, and the path u choose not to, will all collide into one,,
i always believe in second chance,, coz we’re only human, born to make and to live with mistakes,,
again, it’s not about how NOT to make mistakes.. it’s about how to learn NOT to repeat the same Mistakes..
honestly, i always feel jealous,, but then, jealousy come’s together with love,, and love is about making the one u love feel happy,,
the end is the beginning is the end..